Don’t sit down and try to eat the entire whale in one mouthful,

but one small bite after another. Wise words my brother Ken shared with me the day after Justin died.  I immediately, even in the state of shock that I was in, could draw a mental picture and understand what he was telling us.  There are so many complications when a young person dies, in a car accident, hundreds of miles away from home, with a separate residence, beyond 18 years of age so Doug had to petition the court to be named executor.  Nothing can be done until you have authorization, the body needs to come home, the tow company needs the title, which you are hoping and praying is in Justin’s apt.  Unfortunately that apartment is in South Dakota and the landlord “graciously” offered an extension of another month, Justin died on September 27th, if we of course paid the rent for October.  Arrangements have to be made, phone calls have to be attended to, action item lists made. And through it all Ken reminding us “don’t sit down and try to eat the entire whale in one mouthful, but one small bite after another”, what wisdom, what truth.

I have come to the realization that I don’t like whale, in fact, I detest whale. It is getting harder, not easier to choke down the small bites. The file box that holds all of Justin’s “papers” sits in front of my desk, on top of the dog crate.  I hate watching Doug having to open that box, for there is still “whale” left to be had. The large pieces are done, but there are small, tough bites left. How do you put into words the toll that it takes to listen to a father telling the story of why he is calling, that his son was killed in a car accident and he needs to close an account.  Then I hear the familiar list of documents that the company needs in order to release information, death certificate, copy of proof that Doug is authorized to handle Justin’s affairs. Perhaps it is hard to imagine, one might think that you develop a callous, a familiarity with the scenario….not so, it is as raw today as it was a year ago.

But my brother’s words are true, one bite after another and we are almost done, we can be done with this particular “whale”.

I am so very grateful for “whale” wisdom.  I keep on coming back to it, especially now, its become my little mantra as I go about the day. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could extend to each other a bit of “whale” courtesy, a realization that everyone has a whale on their plate and it helps not to throw them another whale or demand that they be finished with the first, whale is hard to chew, it takes time.  What if we could do as my brother did, he cut a large chunk of our whale and took it upon himself to finish it off.  In charity and mercy he made room for more whale on his plate.  No whale is bigger than love, no whale  bigger than mercy and kindness.

“Bear one another’s burdens,  and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.”   Galatians 6:2