He is still teaching.

I have been moved beyond words by some of the articles and posts that I have read this October regarding the annual observation of Respect Life Month by Catholics in America. Respect Life Month started this October 2nd and it is in its 40th year of observance. I have noticed a poignancy, a vulnerability in the writing this year, a stripping away of self in the stories that are being shared.

A convergence of memories has made me look deep inside to a part of me that I have not examined in many months. A year ago today Doug left for South Dakota to collect Justin’s belongings and to make a side trip to Luverne, Minnesota to deliver the title of the Achieva to the company that towed Justin’s vehicle from the water.  Doug had the opportunity to visit the University of South Dakota where Justin was student, teacher, and research assistant…met his professors, got to see and pack up his little office.  Doug was painstaking in the care he took collecting pictures from Justin’s bulletin board at the college.  I remember sitting and crying as I looked at his collection, what was important to him,

what he shared with all who might pass by his desk.   A picture of his beloved Franciscan University, a picture of His Holiness, Pope Benedict who Justin loved and delighted in reading his writings, a picture of G. K. Chesterton…a great favorite and oft quoted hero, and there nestled in the collection was a picture of Clara, Justin’s niece, Ryan’s daughter.  A child Justin never got to hold, but she held a place in his heart.   And my heart broke even more…for it raked up memories of holding that little one, breathing in her sweet scent and kissing that little head …saying goodbye to her when she was just 6 months old, knowing that it was quite

possible that it would be years if ever that I would see her again.  Ryan married while in the Navy, became a father and said goodbye to his infant daughter when he and his former wife separated.

Few people know that Doug and I are grandparents. To be truthful I was quite weary of being told what a sad situation it was, how the child would suffer being a product of divorce, the chances of her being well adjusted and functioning member of society diminished by her inferior social status…and no, I am not making those observations up, there are a rather long litany of dire predictions that folks love to murmur in consoling tones. We should really apply a strong check to our rhetoric about the perfect family…..how are we to build up women, to empower mothers to keep their babies and not succumb to abortion if  we continually spew bad news about the probable outcome of their little ones according to “statistics”.  So it was less painful to simply not speak of her, to be silent.

Well…I am all done being quiet. We are grandparents. We have a granddaughter who will be four delightful years old this December and her name is Clara Elizabeth Jackson. She is beautiful and

smart, loves kittens and is the image of her daddy.  We have not seen her in over 3 years, but we hold her up in prayer along with her mother at every Mass we attend, with every little girl her age I see…I offer prayer for Clara’s well being, her safety…strength for her momma.  And while I am on topic, I am proud of our son, Ryan,  who welcomed life, who loves his daughter even though he is separated by many, many miles, who is never late with his support for his little one.  I see in him the pain of loss and yet he has chosen civility and compassion in allowing them to live so very far away.  I am grateful to Clara’s mother who endured a difficult pregnancy, who chose life.  Statistics be dammed. Where there is life, there is hope….and hope does not disappoint.  So what if we do not have the perfect Christmas photo…oh well….life is messy, life is what happens while we are trying to look perfect

On August 3, 2007, Justin had a small entry in his journal…he writes:

“One reason why the devil seeks the destruction of human life is because humans are made in the image and likeness of God. He wants to commit blasphemy against God by destroying His image, the ones He loves. “

We each have a dignity and a nobility that comes from our Heavenly Father, each unique, each beloved. When Justin looked at pictures of Clara he saw God, he saw eternal opportunities, he saw his brothers face reflected

in her features…Justin loved his brother fiercely, Ryan’s daughter was precious to him.

And so we continue to unpack lessons from Justin, continuing to discover the depths of his heart….grateful for the little pearls along the way. One of my favorite heroines, Valancy, from Lucy Laud Montgomery’s book titled “The Blue Castle” called pearls congealed moonshine…I love that….I pray that I remember to gather these pearls and string them together, a little rope to heaven.