Christmas break 2006. Justin was down to two semesters until graduation, he would finish up December 2007. He was caught up on classes and did not have to take any summer classes. He was in constant pain from his right foot. The first surgery on his right foot had not been a success, too much initial deformity, too much motion for stability. The foot is an incredibly complicated piece of artwork with twenty-seven bones that we use for a thousand different motions every day, rebuilding a foot is tricky business.
So when he asked about getting the right foot fused, we told him to check it out with Dr. Guyton. I jokingly told him that there was no way he was getting another kitten for this surgery. The kitten that he had gotten a previous surgery was an unholy terror. A gorgeous cat with an appetite for calendars, car titles, tax papers, anything slightly important was absolutely delicious to him.
Justin got home from Franciscan on May 10th and was in to see Dr. Guyton on May 24th. The surgery was scheduled for July 5th, not really enough time for fusion to heal before Justin had to return to school. Justin had been invited to a wedding of one of his best friends from Franciscan, he did not want to miss her wedding, so he delayed the surgery date. He could have gotten a surgery date for late May or early June. He wasn’t worried, he said that he had been there, done that, it would work, said we shouldn’t worry. I am not sure how he convinced the surgeon, but by this time he and his surgeon were pretty good friends. He was eager to get the surgery over with and had grown confident in what he could withstand as far as post-op pain. I just remember him being awfully thin and pale going into surgery that morning. He had mentioned to the nurse that he passed out sometimes when the IV was being started, she didn’t believe him because he seemed so relaxed, until they were picking him up off the floor. I know its not funny, but Doug and I just shook our heads and smiled. It wasn’t like he didn’t warn them. Then they had to make sure he was okay, comedy of errors, and there he was smiling and joking with us. Apologizing to the nurse for passing out. It never got any easier to watch them take him into the OR, I always got a last hug, a last smoothing of curls off his face. It was hard to look at the incisions on his feet, hard to think of those screws going into his heel through his foot, but his measure of suffering was Christ crucified. He would always look to Christ and say that his feet were so minor to what Christ suffered in love for us. He would say that it wasn’t so bad.
I was glad to get him home from the hospital the next day, got him all set up on the couch, felt so familiar. Despite the circumstances, it was so good to see him, to share books, talk about all sorts of things, try to get him to eat. Two weeks after surgery, the vet’s office called, they have abandoned kittens that are dying, only two were left, did I
want to try to save them. I have written about the kittens before, but now you know why it was so funny, I told the boy he wasn’t going to get another kitten, and he didn’t – he got two. What a blessing those monsters were, and still are, although it is so strange sometimes to hold them, they are warm and alive, and that boy is dead. It will never make sense. Justin was a natural with the kittens, they were a 24 hour job that first month. It was a treasured time.
We had a family wedding the first weekend in August and one of my favorite pictures of the boys was captured by my brother-in-law. Ryan had graduated Nuke Power School literally the day before and had driven up for the wedding from South Carolina, Justin came with crutches and his surgical boot. We so rarely got to see them together, it is a special photo, the only one of them with Ryan in uniform.
The end of August came all too fast, and it was time for Justin to go back to Franciscan for his last semester. He hated leaving the kittens, we hated him leaving. He was still very sore from surgery, the surgeon cleared him to go back to school, but again, I don’t know how he did it. He was on the upper campus which was a good thing, he didn’t have to deal with the hill. He saw the surgeon on Thanksgiving break, everything looked good, but Dr. Guyton wanted to leave the two four inch screws through Justin’s heel in for at least a year, he didn’t want to remove them too soon.
Justin came home on my birthday that December, a college graduate. We were so humbled and proud of him. It was so good to have him home. He started to job search immediately and was offered a job with CSC in Northern Virginia.
Late spring of 2008 was exciting. Justin would be returning to Franciscan to participate in the graduation ceremonies
and he was notified that he was sharing the Computer Science award with another young gentleman. I remember after the Baccalaureate Mass, searching for him in a sea of young people and then spotting him. Your heart takes a picture. I remember Doug gathering him up in a hug, telling him how proud he was of him.
He enjoyed his job, really liked the people, but was feeling a restlessness by the summer. He was also eager to have the screws removed from his right foot, it had been a year already. Justin arranged for a few days off, and on July 22, 2008 went in to get the screws removed. They would make incisions in the back of Justin’s heels to access the screws and back them out. He came and stayed with us for a few days, and again, it was a treasured visit. When I look back on the calendar, I remember that Ryan had shoulder surgery just six days before Justin’s surgery. Ryan had been injured on the prototype sub and his shoulder required surgery. I remember wishing I could be in two places at once, South Carolina and Maryland.
Justin spoke of discerning a call to the priesthood or pursuing a masters degree in computer science, thought he would ponder it a bit, chat with the vocations director of the Diocese of Arlington. He met with the vocations director in early September, the vocations director told Justin to go back to school. Within four weeks Justin was taking his GRE’s, and applying to grad schools. In another few weeks he had been accepted by the University of South Dakota, Vermillion campus, and had given notice at CSC. He moved back home and prepared for a new adventure in the mid-west. He took care of all the arrangements, found a neat apartment, he was excited about this new chapter in his life. Justin left for South Dakota on January 2, 2009.
His feet were more stable having been fused, but he did have arthritis and was in pain, especially if he had to run, or be on his feet for extended periods of time. He was often slow to move when he first stood up, especially if his feet were cold, or the muscles had tightened. And he had recently developed Raynaud’s Syndrome, had never been troubled with it until he was 23 or 24. The blood vessels in your fingers and toes constrict, limiting blood flow to those areas. Some of his fingers would turn white when he got cold, his feet also were affected, but he didn’t let that stop him from continuing to challenge himself, he never gave up.
Those are the stories of Justin’s feet and surgeries. I have not told them particularly well, they were hard to write. He had the most generous heart and kind spirit. I wish he was still safe at home. Reflecting on his life though, he had the courage to chase his dream. He wanted to teach on the collegiate level, and he got to do that at South Dakota, he was so close to achieving his master’s degree. I look at that smile of his, and my heart breaks, blessed was your day when you received one of his smiles. Miss you Justin, love you forever.
[…] The last part of the story here. […]