January. A deep cleansing breath, the holidays were over and I could just sink into the dear month of January. The month of discovering that the lumps under your freshly made bed were the cats hiding from the cold. And this January gifted us with nearly three feet of snow in a single storm! This last week of January has been particularly fruitful after a particularly dark time. Here is what I have been:
Baking: I baked an apple pie today with filling that I had made and tucked in the freezer sometime in October. Pie always goes nicely with coffee.
Reading: “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. Phenomenal. Life changing. I read a page and am overwhelmed by the desire to talk about what I just read to someone. I read quite a bit to the dog and should dip the entire book in yellow to save on highlighters. Also reading “A Writer’s Guide to Persistence” by Jordan Rosenfeld, another stellar read.
Braving: Signed up to audition for “Listen to Your Mother,” Baltimore edition. The audition is in February, I will keep you posted. I need to have a five minute piece ready to read, about 650 words.
Learning: So much! The Living Brave Semester with Brene Brown started and I am loving the challenge. And “The Balanced Writer” course has been so revealing, not just about writing, but about life. I crafted my “Writer’s Code” the first week of class and the change in how I approach my writing has brought an energy that I have not felt in a very long time. I may share it at the end of the post.
Discovering: That what Brene Brown teaches is real. Real life and real time applications of being vulnerable and that recognizing shame opens up a dialogue for healing.
Listening: To music again. I always thought I needed absolute silence and solitude to read and write, until last week. I had an assignment that included music, I put headphones on and discovered a new world. I learned that I read well to classics and write well to 70’s rock. Right now I am listening to Louie Armstrong singing “La Vie En Rose,” makes me smile. I am loving the Prime Music Streaming from Amazon.
Writing: Mostly in my journal, thoughts, ideas, struggles. What I have written I like, a lot. My Writer’s Code is quickly becoming my North Star to circle back to and remind myself why I write. I wrote a letter to my Inner Critic, I might share that also. And I have my audition piece roughed out.
My Writer’s Code
I am the only person who grieves like me.
When I write, I receive clarity on how I grieve which informs my life choices.
Writing gives my grief a voice.
Writing moves grief that is stuck from one place in my brain to another allowing freedom of movement and clarity.
Writing dislodges grief stored in my body which allows movement and fluidity.
Writing is wrestling with God.
Writing is prayer.
And the letter to my Inner Critic,
Dear IC,
This letter is to inform you that you are being evicted from the posh penthouse you have been occupying in my brain. Say goodbye to that view you have abused and used to manipulate me, you are being relegated to a small basement room.
You will no longer have the tactical advantage of the high ground, your movements and attacks are now well known. You will most likely always occupy that small basement room, I understand that you will always be a part of me. But know that I am building an arsenal of shame resilience tools should you consider slithering back up to penthouse.
IC you are not alone in your knowledge of the primitive part of my brain where you have been hijacking me. That is how I discovered your lair, makes perfect sense. You had access to that paralyzed part of me and kept the stew of adrenaline foaming.
We will have minimal contact, if I want your input – I’ll ask. Until then, F*ck Off.
Like I said, a very fruitful week.
I wish each of you were close enough for real pie and coffee, but I treasure these moments that we can share through the gift of technology. May February bring chocolate and all good things to your door.
Love, Terri
I adore this post Terri! Your January sounds more productive and deep than some people’s years! Not to go the comparison route, but you know what I mean 🙂 Yes to Brene Brown being real and life changing. I haven’t read Daring Greatly yet, but I inhaled Rising Strong. Your Writer’s Code is beautiful, and I’m intrigued by the concept.
Finally, I am so thrilled that you’re trying out for LTYM!! Listen, no matter what happens with the outcome, auditioning is huge and an accomplishments in its own right. If not this year, consider trying again next year. It takes some of us two or more times to make it into a show and wow, is it worth it.
Thank you Dana! Your note is gift of encouragement. I am impressed with the quality of content with Brene Brown’s on-line course. Every week has at least four video lessons, I love how she will even do the first exercise with us – I need examples. The course has great print-outs, very user friendly. The Writer’s Code was an assignment with The Balanced Writer’s class, we are using Jordan Rosenfeld’s book “A Writer’s Guide to Persistence.” She writes, “The value of your writing practice is ultimately up to you. And once you know what that value is, no one can take it from you through rejection, criticism, or competition.” She walks you through the entire process of building your writing code, it is empowering. And I just love Stephanie and Jessica of HerStories, they are so kind and supportive.
Thank you for your insights on LTYM! It truly is an “arena” event, be vulnerable, be willing to fail, know that you will get back up. Sounds like you have been in a show! Is it up on Youtube?
Goodness, Terri. I don’t know how it is that I haven’t read your blog before – strangely crossing paths or something, I suppose. But this is a beautiful post. I did not experience the same loss, but I am grieving a loved one and your words, ‘I am the only person who grieves like me’? Gut punch and touched my heart. Thank you.
Dear Andrea, I am so very sorry for the loss of your loved one. We are like snowflakes, yes? Our grief unique and different, but oh we can speak the same language and hold space for each other in our loss. Wishing you some gentle moments, be good to you – grief is exhausting. I am always around if you ever want to share your loved one’s story or your grief journey.
That inner critic is a killer – so glad you’ve given it the boot! Brene Brown is an amazing speaker – I’ve listened to a few of her talks on Youtube and thoroughly enjoyed them. So glad you’ve got so much going on and lots to look forward to – that’s what keeps us on our toes!
Thank you Leanne for visiting and for your note! I could watch Brene all day long. Her on-line course has at least four videos per week, plus she always adds one at the end of the week. I have learned so much from her in a short period of time. And yes it is a life-saver to have something to look forward to, it keeps us engaged. I hope you have a terrific day!
Wonderful post. This is the second time I’ve heard about Brene Brown this week. A friend of mine suggested I read “Daring Greatly” as I was trying to decide whether or not to delve into a new, wonderful, but scary endeavor. She sent me the following quote: “We’re all grateful for people who write and speak in ways that help us remember that we’re not alone.” I loved that.
Thank you Julie for visiting and your lovely note. Not to sound dramatic, but reading and engaging in the on-line semester course with Brene is changing my life, my perspective, my relationships – in positive ways. There have been some hard moments as it requires much self-reflection, but we are reminded to be gentle. She has a free on-line course on trust with wonderful videos, I will include a link for it. If you ever want to chat or share about “Daring Greatly,” as you are reading it, please feel free to write! Wishing you a wonderful adventure on your new endeavor!
http://www.courageworks.com/shop/classes/the-anatomy-of-trust
What a beautiful post!! Thank you for the reading recommendations. I’m definitely going to check them out. And I enjoyed your letter to your inner critic. Keep her locked up!!! I know it’s not easy but it sounds like you’ve got her now.
I’m interested in the course you were talking about. I’ll have to check it out.
I wanted to mention that I never thought I could listen to music while reading or writing either but have trained my poor little brain and now it works. I love Amazon Prime Music but I also use Focus@Will. It’s a website and an app that uses neuroscience to help make you more productive. It has worked really well for me. Have a fabulous day!
Hello Elena, thank you so much for your visit and note. Yes, that inner critic, she is wily, but I will work on keeping her in line! I am including links to the courses I am taking, both are proving to be life changing. Brene Brown has a free on-line course on trust, her videos are very well done. And the HerStories writing classes have been excellent. Thank you for sharing about listening to music, it has brought me so much pleasure and productivity! Wishing you a very peace filled evening!
http://www.herstoriesproject.com/the-balanced-writer/
http://www.courageworks.com/shop/classes/the-anatomy-of-trust
Really love this. You have a great attitude, Terri. The letter to the inner Critic was perfect. In fact, I may write one to my own IC. Lovely.
Hi Laurie, thank you for the visit and lovely note! It felt so good to write that letter to my Inner Critic. I hope you write your own letter to your IC, it is liberating! Wishing you a very peace filled evening.
Why the hell haven’t I read your blog before??? I am fully ashamed of myself because I’d like to pull up a chair and chat with you all day. I am in awe of all you are doing for yourself and I love your letters to yourself, not an easy thing to do. Brene Brown? I know about but have never read but now I will. Sounds exactly like something I’d inhale. Dipping the book in yellow? I loved that phrase! Wow.
What is “The Balanced Writer” course and you should also listen to Louis Armstrong singing “Wonderful World.”
Terri, you are an amazing lady. Just wanted you to know that.
Thank you Cathy, I am so humbled by your words. I would like that chat very much also, you have such a nurturing spirit. I am including a link to “The Balanced Writer” class. Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger of The HerStories Project offer wonderful on-line writing classes, I am taking my third class with them and loving it.
I am going to look up “Wonderful World” with Louis Armstrong, he is one of my favorites!
What a privilege it has been today to exchange thoughts and notes, thank you for the gift of your presence and friendship. Here is to coffee one day in real time!
http://www.herstoriesproject.com/the-balanced-writer/