Leave Judas alone

Once again I heard the old irritating snarky comment about people who leave Mass after Communion, “Well, we all know who else left Mass early…yuk, yuk, yuk, yep, Judas”…more frivolity and pious back slapping.  Stop it.  It is repulsive, unkind, uncharitable, petty, small, and pointless.

Isn’t it grand that we don’t actually have to look at the humanity behind a person’s action, we can remain delusional that they are just Judas backstabbers denying our Lord. I mean really, why did they even bother coming to church? Traitors, spineless, weak excuse for a “good” Catholic, whatever a good Catholic is. Bad Catholics, Good Catholics, label, label, label. Can we just be Catholics, why are we split into camps? The “Good” and the “Bad”.

I have just gone through all four Gospels again. I am no theologian, but it has always troubled me that people were so quick to say that Judas left right after Communion.  Read the Gospels. Line by line. Of course he did have to slip out at some time, he met Jesus in the garden with the guards, and yes, he did betray him with a kiss.  We read in John that he and Jesus had an exchange of words as they were eating, Jesus tells him “What you are going to do, do quickly”.  Now I have been through the chapters after and before that line, doesn’t really specifically say where they were in the meal, where does it say,  “and Judas left right after Communion before the final blessing”…no where.  Jesus tells him to go. It is not like Jesus would not have died if Judas had not betrayed Him.  The entire point, I thought, of the Incarnation was so that Jesus could take on human flesh and die, gathering all our sin unto Himself and paying fully for our atonement.  Can we not spare one moment of mercy for Judas?  I know, it feels much nicer to deny the fact that we have denied our Lord countless times, betrayed him beyond measure, so nice not to equate ourselves with scum like Judas. If you read just a few chapters past, we find Jesus foretelling of Peter’s denial, He gets on Phillip’s case about Phillip wanting Jesus to show them the Father, in fact towards the end of Chapter 16, the disciples finally say “ohhh, now we believe…once you started to talk plainly”…my paraphrase.  They were all only at the cusp of embracing the mystery that the world cannot contain.   It is rather cozy to be removed 2,000 years later with the benefit of thousands of hours of exegesis to discern what Jesus meant when he said good morning…right?  Judas, Peter, Phillip, Thomas, Not. So. Much.  They were simple men caught in the most dramatic moments of human history.  They each have their sins and life gloriously paraded in front of all of humanity for perusal.

Are we not like Judas the most when we pridefully judge those who leave early? Judas had great pride. How many who leave church early are hanging by a thread? How many have a pounding in their throat that can’t be ignored? How many have hung in there as long as they can, but the threat of tears and being caught between so many people causes their skin to crawl? How many have been wearied by so much extraneous music and talk, that they find their soul still bereft of God and leave as soon as they can?

I believe the question to be asked is why do people leave early? Must they all be miserable SOB’s who despise God and are so ungrateful for the privilege of worship that they schlep out the first opportunity?  Rude and ungracious. Bad, bad Catholic. Or, are they just human? Do we know what is in their hearts? Do we know what they are heading home to, what lies ahead of them that day? I have practically run Doug over trying to get out of church some days. I sit still out of obedience, I can’t say out of love, for I feel none. It is an exercise of discipline. If it were not for his sturdy frame, I would have bolted several times. How often I have heard from the self-righteous and patronizing, “it is only a hour or so, why can’t they just “offer it up”, I mean they can sit still for a movie, right?”   Perhaps they went to church hoping to meet Jesus, hoping that perhaps this time they would encounter joy, maybe once again they despaired of both and only met indifference and judgement, noise and apathy. We don’t watch a movie hoping to encounter the ineffable God, but I believe we are drawn to church for just that reason, to transcend time and space if only for a moment.

We moderns do have something that Judas might have missed. He may have missed hearing the greatest command of all, John 15:17 “This I command you: love one another.”  We have no such excuse, it is written rather plainly more than once, we are to love. All the snide comments, cutesy little memes, arrogant posturing about those that leave early do not reflect our Father’s love, it does not reflect the sacrificial love of Christ, no it reflects a god made in our own image. I know how I felt when I saw and heard the offerings of quips right around Easter, it is the most popular time of year to be self-righteous as our Lord bleeds to death on the cross…go figure…but I never wanted to return to church. I didn’t recognize the church and people that I once loved with my whole heart.  It deepened my sadness and brought another layer of darkness. How we lack in love, how we fail in compassion and mercy.

The question is how do we foster a space where the soul is wont to linger and not escape?  And can we not see the possibility that someone’s “imperfect” offering of time, may be as gold to the Father of Mercies?  Do not compare your brother or sister in Christ to Judas as their back is turned from you, for in essence, you just stabbed them.