Please don’t ask a bereaved mother what she is doing to “keep busy.” Been asked that at least five times in the last ten days. Like there is some virtue in “keeping busy.” What does busy mean anyway? We can be “busy” and accomplish absolutely nothing, but man were we busy. Busy, busy, busy. So busy that we don’t have time for anything else than the much sought after “busy.” Too busy to think, too busy to listen, too busy to sit, busy, busy, busy. Doing what?
Of course this morning, as I suck up dead stink bugs with the vacuum, I am able to think up all sorts of clever responses. The last couple of times this week, I couldn’t think of anything clever, only really snarky responses. And who needs snark? See I interpret those sorts of questions as snarky digs coming my way. Children all grown, or dead, feet healing nicely, so what could I possible be doing? What could I be doing to keep busy? The virtue of busy, the validation of busy. Busy, busy, busy.
If you really must know what I am doing, here goes. I am cleaning the attic, the basement, overhauling the yard, and everything else that I have neglected cause I have been so freaking busy that my own home is in great need of attention. You know, I think we ought to leave people alone a bit on requiring them to be so busy all the time outside of their home. What is the benefit of extreme volunteerism or careerism that comes at the great expense to the heart of the home? You want to know why our lives and families fall apart…busy, the art of busy. Being busy with no real purpose or goal. Just busy for busy sake. Part of the evaluation of a project should be to examine closely the purpose and end result. Is it worth the cost of time and stress that the absence of an individual will take on the family? No one seems to think of that. It is more a “well, I am busy and miserable so everyone else should be busy and miserable.”
For you young women, who have the misfortune to be reading this rant of an old tired formerly “busy” person, don’t do it. Do not feel obligated to be “busy.” Your beautiful children, your husbands who work hard everyday, they need your devotion and genuine affection. They need the very best of you, invest in their lives, you will not be disappointed.
For those who may have their knickers in a knot, no, I am not saying down with volunteering or careers, down with things other than your home. It is just that there has to be a balance, a genuine concern for the protection of the family, genuine concern for the heart of a woman…and a man.
We have to come away from all things that distract us, things that keep us “busy.” We must take time to check our bearings, see where we are navigating. Recollection and stillness is not a waste of time. Our lives are no different than an unruly rose bush. Rampant growth is not always a thing of beauty, it sucks the plant of its energy to bloom. ead blooms should be pinched off so as to not stress the plant. If one is perpetually busy, then the shape of the rose bush can not be appreciated, evaluated, loved, and nurtured.
I don’t really want to know if a person is busy, that tells me nothing of their heart. I delight in hearing the adventures of your children, or the heartaches, are you growing a garden? have you discovered a new passion or interest? tell me your story, sit a moment. People can be busy, yet dying inside, but because they are “busy”, they must be okay, so we don’t ask, cause we are so “busy.” Busy is a great disguise.
So I am going to go back to being about my work, ridding the house of stink bugs, truly not noteworthy, but it does keep me busy.
