Still Standing Homebrew. An Experiment, A Rejection, and an Insight.

I wrote this piece for an assignment I had in a writing course I took in the spring. We were to write a “hermit crab” essay. A hermit crab essay is an experimental form of writing where a completely different format is employed to tell a story. I chose to write in recipe form and had a lot of fun crafting this piece. I was urged to submit it for publication, but alas, it was rejected. I received a lovely letter from the editor saying that where it was charming, it lacked the back story. I agree. But you guys, you know my back story. I am not going to shop this piece around to have it published, I am sharing it with you, my friends who get me.  So cheers! I raise my glass to each of you in a toast of thanksgiving for your company. Here is to all of us, we are still standing.

Recipe for Still Standing Homebrew

Number of Servings: Endless

Ingredients:

2 gallons tears
1 gallon self-compassion
1 gallon strong black coffee
1 quart of self-forgiveness
1 quart of perseverance
2 cups of empathy
1 cup of courage
1 cup of honesty

3 f***s, choose wisely, we cannot give a f*** about everything and survive trauma

A sprinkle of hope, if you can’t find a sprinkle, then a single grain will be enough
A pinch of love, don’t need much, a half pinch will do
A smidgen of regret

Optional Ingredients: (if stored in your pantry, now is the time to rid yourself of them)

¼ cup to a ½ cup of rage
An ounce of despair
Tiny dash of suicide ideation

Combine ingredients, tears through the three f***s, in a five gallon brew pot. Using a whisk, force the ingredients to blend together. Self-compassion and self-forgiveness can be hard to incorporate, perseverance will ease the mixing. Your brew may look curdled, keep whisking.

Once you have your mixture blended, it does not have to be smooth, mud-like lumps are normal, place your brew pot on the stove and settle in for a long brewing session.

Crank the heat up to high under the brew pot and bring blended ingredients to a boil. Don’t walk away from the brew at this point! Boil overs are sticky, burning messes that will have you cleaning for days. Keep whisking as the heat rises, you will find the stubborn ingredients of self-compassion and self-forgiveness liquefy as they are heated. Lower the heat when you have achieved a constant rolling boil. This is not a quick process, the brew cannot be hurried.

As your brew boils, you will see scum and foam form on top. This is shame. Shame cannot withstand the high heat and potent blend of empathy and self-compassion. Using a long-handled spoon, scoop out that scum of shame and discard it. Keep scooping, even if some of your good brew goes with it, leave no shame behind to taint your finished product.

Brewer’s Note: If you added more than three f***s in your brew, (and it’s okay, we all do in the first batch) these will also rise to surface, scoop them out and discard them.

Now add in that dash of suicide ideation and watch how it disappears in the antidote of empathy and self-forgiveness. It won’t spoil your brew. Throw in any rage and despair. Trust in the powerful alchemy of your brew to transform that pain into life.

Take your brew pot off the heat and let it cool.

When your brew has cooled, sprinkle in hope, love, and that smidgen of regret. Don’t worry if all you could find was the tiniest grain of hope and a half-pinch of love. Hope and love are like yeast, both will grow when the conditions are right.

Close your eyes, breathe through your nose, smell that? A heady aroma of new life is starting to waft from your brew pot. I smell jasmine and elusive meadowsweet, with light, green notes of crushed lemon thyme.

Using a clean whisk, combine the hope, love, and regret you sprinkled into your brew. Once mixed, pour your brew into a strong glass container and seal the top with an airlock. The airlock will allow fermentation gasses to escape as it protects the integrity of your brew.

A good brewmaster knows that it will take time before your brew transforms into a life-giving elixir. Hope and love grow slowly, watch your brew for signs of life. There, it bubbled! New life has started. Expect churning and heaving, don’t fret, movement is an important part of the brewing process.

When your brew is clear enough to see through, know that your perspective has changed and your brew is ready for tasting! Bring out your wine thief and extract that first taste, release the sparkling brew into your crystal glass and breathe in the aroma of accomplishment and peace.

Feel the earth under your feet and sip your brew, let its honeyed sweetness of compassion linger on your tongue, savor the caramel richness of perseverance. Hold your glass to the light and toast yourself, acknowledge to the last drop that you are still standing.

Brewer’s Note: Feel free to experiment with ingredients. I urge you to not skimp on self-compassion and self-forgiveness, they are key to producing a finished product free of shame. Take notes, tweak your recipe, and keep brewing.

Featured Brew: California Common brewed on March 15, 2015. Brew #45 by Laughing Belgian Brewery. Tasting notes say hoppy. It has bottle conditioned into a lovely smooth, crisp brew.